I-Am-Sick Nonsense

Ok. I’m here, at home. Earlier today. Dead tired although it’s only Monday.

I’m sick.

Had one cup of tea. Watched the Voice UK. Checked Instagram. Nothing new…

Brewed another cup of tea.
[I am lucky to have English tea on this continent, btw.]


What’s next?
Don’t know…

It’s kind of frustrating.

I’m sick. So my brain doesn’t work that great. Managed to survive the working day. Even completed some tasks. Felt like I was dying. It was getting worse with every hour…

It was cold. It was noisy.
It was like a nightmare
…called an open space!  [If you’re working at the office, you’ll understand. If you don’t – lucky you, don’t even try.]

I can list all the bad things about open spaces here. Can’t understand why companies continue to build them. I’m sure I’m sick because of it. Ho-ho-ho, it’ll be somebody else tomorrow because we’re all in one barn…

So I came home and writing here all this nonsense because I want to speak and be heard because today I can’t even speak – it’s painful…

It’s pretty scary to be sick here. Don’t even have a therapist. So if it gets worse, the simplest option is to die, another option is to go and look for a doctor and to die somewhere in the middle of ‘the process’. Don’t really have time to sit at home and recover.
It’s not Belarus, you can’t avoid work that easily.
7 days per year. That’s how much I can be sick without any troubles… -1 for tomorrow.

It’s also scary because I’m alone. The fridge is almost empty and I don’t want, don’t have enough strength to go shopping. You need to drive to any shop here. Furthermore, all the shops are big so you need time to go and pick the products you need… Trust me, it’s exhausting.

And it’s scary because in a mood like this I need some support. I really do. I’m strong enough to overcome all the challenges. But there’re times… sometimes… like today.

What to do? What to do?

Have a half of the cup of tea…

Too many thoughts.
Not enough of time.
Have all the feelings that there’s a strong need in another piece of changes.
Which exactly?
How to start?
In what direction to move?

All the questions…

Each time I’m trying to solve this, I’m getting farther and further…

What’s next?

Down the Nile is one option.

Anyway… each time I think I’ve solved something, the problem gets bigger and turns into something else with the meaning that it was only 1/1000000000 of the problem.

Do I want to Belarus?

Want to be somewhere else in some other role…

What? How?

An inspirational movie this evening…


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